The below entry is inspired by this article I found on New York Magazine’s website titled, “Wearing a Size 2 Does Not Make You Happy. ” I clicked it thinking it sounded promising, given the size war that has been ongoing in the fashion industry, essentially since its existence. I’m sad to report that the title was the only good thing about it. It makes me sad that pieces like the one linked above are still being written.
I am aware the below list has mostly to do with women comparing themselves to other women. While I recognize as a whole it’s infuriating, the list you are about to read includes specific things that are particularly annoying.
5. “She must have it easy because of (insert arbitrary trait here.)”
Yes, you’re right. She has a great job and shiny blonde hair so that must make life so much easier for her when her mom dies or her boyfriend cheats on her with their local barista. Stop making assumptions. You don’t know her story If anything, what might be making her life easier is the fact that maybe she’s not running around judging other people and is focused on being a hot badass. Let that one hang out in your head for a second.
4.”This girl is more/less _______________ than me.” (Negative comparisons.)
Comparisons are ok to make. For example, my best friend is taller than me and has a fairer complexion than I do. Both of those comparisons are true. See below
*I really just wanted an excuse to post this picture publicly.
With that being said, as an adult woman there should be no room in your life to make comparisons about other women with the intention of making you feel better, or another feel worse. I understand this one can be particularly hard to do; like when when another woman gets the dude/lady/job/awesome thing of fortune we want. You might say something like, “Well, she may have gotten Ryan Gosling, but I am a WAY better cook than her, so fuck her!” No one can harass you for that provided that you don’t let those feelings run your life and understand they won’t last forever.
3.”Men prefer women that ____________”
Have red/blonde/brown hair, flat stomach/curves, are sweet/badass/funny/submissive. I shouldn’t have to say this, but you know how every woman is different? So is every guy and therefor every guy prefers something a little different. Also, and again I shouldn’t have to ask this,
“WHY ARE YOU BASING YOURSELF BASED ON THIS SILLY CONCEPT OF WHAT YOU THINK MEN WANT?!”
If you invest all your energy in being the best you that will make YOU happy, you will attract the people that you want to be around, lovers included. Never for a second base yourself on who you think others want you to be-not just men, but parents, friends, coworkers, society-you name it. You’re completely lovely and if you don’t think so, really sit down with yourself and think about it. This leads me to number 2.
2. “I will be happier when I’m a size_______.” I am all for my fellow sisters, getting fit, eating right, and doing what they have to do to be the best possible versions of themselves. I want all women to be confident, happy, and thriving. That aside, you are not a number on the tag of a dress. (Just like how you are not your job, your age, your relationship status etc.) You are you. If you have a weight that you feel the most confident at, great, but if you’re still trying to get there, don’t belittle the process of you obtaining your goal, and don’t make the reason you are happy be the actual size of clothing. Also, don’t think all you’re problems are fixed by hitting that magic number. Confidence, while a wonderful thing, is not a cure all.
Furthermore, you will be happier the moment you decide to be. Really try it sometime. I’m telling you it works.
1.”REAL women do _______________.”
Please, ladies (and gentlemen. Don’t think you guys get off the hook. I have heard more than a few of you say this). Please please please can we stop this nonsense. The one I hear most often is, “Real women have curves.” I recognize that the beauty industry is more than biased to thin people. I know it sucks and I won’t take that away from you. This in mind, by saying this you are alienating others in pursuit of making you feel better, you are also perpetuating the problem. Real women are all women, including transgendered ones. Whether she is tall, short, fat, thin, pretty, ugly, all natural or has had botox, she is a woman. Laura Jane Grace of Against Me is no less of a woman than Beyonce. Frida Kahlo was no less of a woman than Grace Kelly. You are no more or less of a woman than the chick in the magazine your holding or the old lady next to you on the bus.