Whole Foods Problems/ Thanksgiving Shenanigans

A lot has been going on the past few days so I hardly have had a spare moment to write. The point of this post is to keep everyone updated on what’s going on so I can’t guarantee the quality of what’s you’re about to read.

Anyway, so my friend, Steven is staying for the week. We met last year when he lived upstairs from me back in Dorchester. He’s grown to be like a big brother to me. He’s highly traveled, into art and music, smarter than most people I know and overall, very good to have around. While I’ve been feeling very introverted lately and the initial concept of having to entertain a guest for the whole week was kind of tiresome, things have been working out so far. 

Added Bonuses: My roommate is perpetually a people person. Very rarely will you find her needing to be alone. With that said, prior to my friend arriving on Tuesday, she told me she’d be happy to show him around if I needed a couple hours to not be around people. Also, Steven is like me in the way that we need to be quiet to recharge our batteries. He doesn’t need me to be constantly social to have a good time. For example, he was more than happy to plan his trip to China while I attempted to sleep off a hangover yesterday.

Which brings me to the point as to why I was hungover yesterday…

Black Wednesday.
A Chicago tradition where people get plastered the night before Thanksgiving. Many bars have Black Wednesday parties, or special cocktails made just for the occasion. I celebrated Black Wednesday in the comfort of my own home with Steven, my roommate, our guy friend Porter who was in town for a concert,  Nadia, and a couple bottles of wine to myself. 

Note to Jess: Wine by the glass is a good idea. Wine by the bottle is not. When drinking large quantities of anything, always go for beer and just beer. 

I’m pretty sure I’m still hungover. Bare minimum-I only had a sip of wine yesterday and I doubt I will drink anything today.

Getting back to yesterday..

So I didn’t get out of bed until 11 yesterday (really late for me) Steven was planning his trip. Alex and Porter were watching Toderick Hall videos. Nadia was smart and left early the night before. My kitchen reminded me of my college dorm. I tried to make a bath but the water wouldn’t get hot.

Which brings me to.. Whole Foods Problems

If you’ve ever been to Whole Foods or a store LIKE Whole Foods, and if you’re even paying the slightest attention to what’s going on around you, you will hear some of the most asinine conversations ever. Don’t get me wrong, I love the place. If I could afford organic produce and fillets of chickens that were sung lullabies while they were still alive and fed non gmo corn in porcelain bowls I totally would be there all the time. I can’t, so I am reduced to the Hispanic supermarket down the street for my basics. I’m pretty sure my stomach can’t tell the difference between cucumbers that were coddled and those that came from an undisclosed location, but I digress. So with that being said, Whole Foods is a mecca for privileged white people conversations, people who complain about the brand of Swiss chard, or that the chocolate they’re about to buy wasn’t made in this specific region of he Andes. They have children who complain that their parents bought them a Saab over the Benz they wanted. The place smells like a garden but feels like a mix between Woodstock and oppression. 

So I came up with the term “Whole Foods Problems” for anytime someone complains about something that is more of a minor, privileged inconvenience rather than an actual problem. (Also known as White Problems.) 

My bath not getting hot was a total Whole Foods Problem. As was the rest of the day..

Porter and Alex ended up going to her brother’s house for a couple hours, so Steven and I decided we’d walk to Wicker Park just to finally get out of the apartment. It was much warmer than it had been (33 degrees, woohoo!) and it was nice to just enjoy the day. Somewhere around our second hour of walking, the temperature dropped and we were getting hungry. We walked by a cafe that was open and had food about a mile back, but at this point it was too far, so we tried a sushi place close by that we thought was open-no dice, the owners were just there renovating? Anyway, so we cut across another street to a place that was definitely open, only to find they were just having Thanksgiving dinner,  you needed a reservation and it was $25 per person. (Keep in mind, this was essentially a vegan fast food joint, so a reservation seemed leaps and bounds out of character.) Alex called us around that time. She didn’t eat dinner at her brother’s place, and her and Porter were getting hungry. I gave her the instructions to find a place that has delivery, and to have it ready to order when we got back.

At this point, Steven and I were 2 miles away from my place, after a little walking I was pretty frozen, so we walked in to this place called Go Grocer, like Whole Foods, but convenience store size. (Do you see a theme here?) Steven ended up finding Post Road, my favorite fall beer. (Win!) and we got cheese and crackers. (Lactard stomach didn’t act up later-double win!) I also got impending niece a book called, “Good Night, Chicago.” (Too perfect, really.) Steven was content to walk the rest of the way, but I wasn’t. I hailed a cab and paid $8 including tip for a mile and a half cab ride.

When we got back, we ordered Thai from a place that I was yet to try. It was terrible, but I was very hungry so I didn’t care. There is no such thing as good thai food in the city of Chicago. I am convinced. 


(At least it looked pretty?)

Afterwards we played Cards Against Humanity and we all took naps, except I ended up not waking up until 7:30 this morning, and they others stayed up to continue shenanigans.

All in all, the day was an entire Whole Foods Problem, but it was oddly wonderful in the best way ever. Thanksgiving/ Friendsgiving turned out to be a solid success and good times were had by all.

Have a great day everyone, totally judging anyone who goes Christmas shopping today.


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