My tried and true way of dealing is by vanishing. I cut people off completely, hide in my shell, keep only a very small amount of friends in the loop of what’s going on with me. If you’ve hurt me even in a small amount, odds are I’ve shut you out without you even realizing it.
The problem is, is there too much space? Do I alienate people too much?
I couldn’t help but think about that when I was on the phone with my dad and he was talking about his holiday plans, most of which I used to skip out on without really an excuse. Now I suddenly want to go to them, being 1000+ miles away-go figure.
Do I have a good relationship with my dad? I think so? Could it have been better if I wasn’t so over my upbringing, that I actually let my family in?
The impending questions going back to Boston- did I leave for the right reasons? Am I still really all that close with the people I left behind? How much of this is me? Am I really as selfish as I feel right now?
How much responsibility should I take over the way I feel about things?
Do I feel too much or not at all, and if the levels vary, are they at the appropriate times?
I am definitely probably thinking too much.