I don’t know how to say this to you largely in part that my virtual proof of existence claims otherwise- but I am not sad. I am stressed and confused, and maybe a little lost in varying degrees on any given day. I’m working through those emotions by either thinking too much or not at all about things that are either too important too ignore or not significant enough to consider.
And while I have moments of sadness Internet, I am not sad.
I am grateful that even if I sit perfectly still and do nothing, my life gives me enough stories to share. I am happy that people enjoy these stories. I still get giddy when people say I’m well written.
I am happy that I know I am capable of doing whatever I want, though I may find the means completely terrifying.
I am confident in a way I’ve never have been before. I have tired myself sick of the dating game. I won’t listen to when you say I’m too rough or too masculine. I know I’m salacious. I love being a woman. I can access alluring parts of myself at any moment I just chose not to because my energy is in dire need of being directed to other places. I enjoy every freckle and every curve, even the one of my crooked smile.
I’m not scared to talk about the sad though, in fact I think we all need to talk about it more. Life is awkward and unfair. It’s relentless and exhausting. I’ve found the older we get the more we are afraid at how we feel. Let that go. Let us shake our false identities that tell the world we are happy all the time. We are not walking photographs of ourselves- we are people. Our ability to experience life deeper than face value is exceptional and should be celebrated, not hindered or ignored.
So Internet, as you may know, I got a lot of feelings and many more things to say. But I save it for a topic that is less in my defense. I am not a sad girl or a happy girl I am not a wise girl or a dumb girl. I am me. I am usually all, but sometimes none of it and I refused to have my journey to be reduced to just one thing.