It’s Not Me- It’s Actually You- A Post about “Fade Outs”

I want to talk to you about a “fade out.” You know what it is. One day you’re texting each other pictures, jokes, and finalizing plans, and then within the next few, everything comes to a complete stop-without reason or apology. You are left jumping at your phone and getting mad at other people for contacting you, people who WANT to talk to you, because they’re not that person. If they ever do text or call again, it’s usually months or years down the line, and they will likely talk like it never happened.

One of these fucks you up. A couple will make you jaded. After a few though, you rally and your realize it isn’t about you, it’s them. The road is hard fought of course.

The first time this happened to me, it left me depressed, so much so that I would spend the next day drinking away the time, or I would immediately hop into bed with someone else. I would think to myself, “What did I do wrong? Why is he doing this to ME.” My best friend would hear the same conversation over and over again to the point where her patience would qualify her for sainthood.

But then I realized it wasn’t about me. It was about them.

The truth is, no matter how “crazy” you are, no one is worth the fade out. No one deserves the complete lack of compassion that involves leading someone on and then not telling them you’re over it. It’s a form of the abandonment. It’s the dating equivalent of tying a dog up to a telephone pole and never returning. It’s so shitty and yet, pretty much everyone has done it. It’s coward and not only does it illustrate a complete lack of commitment to a person, but a complete lack of commitment to ending it.

If the door never really closes, it’s still technically still opened, in the same way that if the door was technically never opened, it was never closed either.

This perpetual gray area of dating it isn’t healthy. It makes everyone paranoid or lethargic, and reduces our capacity for love, which is pathetic and can’t be good for humanity. You all wonder why we’re “crazy.”

The oddly good thing to understand in all this, is that, it isn’t a math equation. If you fucked more or talked less, they wouldn’t still be there. If you texted less but joked more they wouldn’t have hung around any longer. They were going to walk anyway, regardless of what you did or how you felt, and they simply didn’t care enough to tell you that.The bottom line is that the fact they faded you out only proves that they didn’t respect you then, and likely never did. If they can’t at least give you the decency of letting you know they’re not feeling it, than they sure as hell don’t deserve you being sad about it.

So don’t be. Get angry! Instead of asking “Why would the do this?” say “HOW DARE THEY!” Scream “FUCK YOU” into a pillow until your throat hurts. Collect yourself, put on your favorite outfit and make yourself feel incredible. Don’t for a second blame yourself for this.

And if it hurts, let it. Even bad bitches get the blues. But the pain is temporary and your audacity is forever.


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