I had the wonderful opportunity to tell a story with the subject matter of “Orgasms” for the Miss Spoken story series this past Wednesday. It was a lot of fun despite the fact that it had me out of my element for a couple reasons:
1. I have never performed my work before.
2. I don’t typically write abut my sex life.
My best friend and I have had many long conversations about why I don’t talk about my sex life. Her argument is that I have A LOT of stories, and that people would really gear towards them. With the rise of Amy Schumer’s brand of humor, it’s clear that the masses seem to want a confident female that can “fuck like a guy,” and bring to light on a global level how messed up modern womanhood is. As a sometimes crass and sexually driven woman, I adore Schumer, if not, idolize her.
But I’m not her. And if I’m honest, from my one moderately successful experience, I found that talking about sex to a large group of people, like the sex itself, it’s quite easy.
Why? Because everyone fucking hates feelings and therefore nobody wants to hear about them. But most people like sex.
If you think I’m lying, go to your nearest Google machine and type in “modern dating” in the search box. You will quickly see a list of articles like this one, saying more or less that dating has become insufferable due to everyone liking the benefits of intimacy but not the vulnerability part.
So when I get up on stage and I talk about sex, even if that’s the theme of the night, I feel like I’m giving the people what they want and not what they need. I feel like I’m cheating myself and the audience.
People need to realize that vulnerability is a gift that separates us from 99% of the species on this planet. While it does bring the potential to get hurt, it gives us the opportunity to experience life on more than a surface level. When it does hurt, it teaches you something, even if that something is just how to handle it when it happens again. I wouldn’t be lying if I said the grief from losing my longest relationship helped me to some degree 7 months later when my mom died, because it became almost a biological blueprint for how to deal.
Also, the things that are the hardest to talk about, are often times the things that unite us. Denying that you have feelings doesn’t make them go away, just like how denying you’re sick doesn’t make you feel better.
I know I’ve been wrapping up these posts lately with a Full House style moral of the story but I’ve been trying to break my addiction to tangents. My point is, I don’t believe that people are as shallow as they claim to be, and if that’s the case, than instead of being the girl that talks sex, I’ll be the one that talks emotions. I’ll be the Amy Schumer of feelings.