I’m curled up under a blanket with “The Day You Died” by Phantogram on repeat while the breeze rattles the old windows of my apartment. There is a dye bath in the kitchen sink fixing some jeans I’ve never worn. I’m on my second pot of decaf coffee- my way of forgoing booze until the evening’s festivities will bring me around some of my favorite people in this city. It’s been months since the last post on this site, even longer since I’ve completed anything worth note.
I don’t feel bad about it.
A lot has needed my attention this summer. Work took priority over life. Life was a revolving door of friends, flings, alcohol, shows, trips, stories, etc. I feel like I tend to bleed the summer-enjoying what I can of the sun on my back before feeling more at home in the cooler months. Cooler weather and cloudy skies ahead? I’m all about it. It becomes such a chore to get up the gaul to leave the house that everything becomes more intentional; from the stories you tell and the people you see, to the beer you drink and the music you listen to. Chicago winter does not allow the superficiality the summer does. I’m grateful for that. Summer Jess is often too much for herself because there is too much to distract her FROM herself. Winter allows for this comfortable loneliness, sometimes while around other people who are just as content to be as lonely as you are.
And so here is where I begin to get back on track. The crisis of feeling bad about not having written and not knowing what to write about has been removed because at least now I’m writing. The leaves on the trees are changing and falling to the slate gray sidewalks, mirroring the Chicago sky that was put in place long before them. I’m thinking about endings and how beautiful they can be, with crisp warm colors, soft fibers, and the satisfying crunch of your feet treading the inevitable snow. I believe in finding a way to be better the next time the way brings you back around.
And for the first time since the last time I needed to wear a jacket, my words feel limitless.
It’s good to be back, y’all.